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Kinkfest for the First Time

Play Party Etiquette

There is some general etiquette that you should know before attending your first play party. A basic overview is listed below.

This information pertains to a "typical" play party. The only problem is that there is no "typical" play party. Each one is different, depending on who is running it and who is attending. Make sure you read the rules specific to that event before entering the Dungeon (see next section). Nevertheless, we think this information will give you a good idea of what to expect and how you're expected to act. Play Party etiquette is mostly normal party etiquette and common sense. However, there are a few special rules.

The primary rule is "don't touch without advance permission"
Don't assume that because someone else walks up to someone and hugs them that you can do the same. Those people probably have some kind of existing relationship.

Don't interfere with someone else's scene
This involves a number of corollaries. Just because someone else walked into an active scene and started to interact doesn't mean that you may do the same. Like touching, you have no idea what the relationship between the participants may be and what may have been pre-arranged. Getting too close may also distract the scene participants, and may be dangerous depending on what they are doing, so feel free to watch, but please keep a respectful distance. The "don't touch" rule also applies to someone else's toys. Many people are pleased to show off their toys, and may well let you try them. Simply grabbing one without asking is not the way to do it.

Don't interrupt a scene
If you don't like what's happening, leave the area. If you think that what's taking place is unsafe, tell a host or Dungeon Monitor. The biggest exception to the "don't interfere" directive is if you hear the bottom call a safeword and the top seems to ignore it. We have never seen this happen, but the possibility exists. Most parties have a "party safeword" spelled out in the rules. "Red" and "Safeword" are two of the most commonly used ones. Hold your comments until after the scene. If you admire a flogger or the top's style, the middle of a scene is a really bad time to start to talk to one of them about it. The scene does not end as soon as the action is over. Most tops will tend to their bottoms through a cool-down period. This coming-down process is important and shouldn't be interrupted.

Please do not talk loudly in the dungeon
Unless it is part of a scene, talking should be kept quiet. Socializing should be done quietly and away from any scenes.

Negotiating a scene
Everyone plays differently. It is important to know who you are playing with and what their boundaries are. One of the key acronyms used in the BDSM community is R.A.C.K.; risk-aware, consensual, kink. Make sure you both know what the limits are, if there are any health issues you need to know or share, and the risks involved. Some types of BDSM play can be dangerous if you don't know what you are doing. Make sure the person you are playing with knows your experience level and plan accordingly. The basic negotiation for a scene is usually done prior to engaging in any sort of play. Because public dungeons can get pretty loud this is often done in a coffee shop or other "safe" quiet location.

Respect a persons boundaries
This is especially important the first time you play with someone. If you negotiate that you will do a flogging scene, do not start spanking. If you are more comfortable, you can discuss limits instead of exact plans. Make sure you have a safeword set-up. If the dungeon is loud create a backup gesture or other indicator that can be used if the safeword is not heard. Determine if aftercare is expected and make sure you know where water is and if there is an aftercare area set up. Most large parties will have a host or dungeon monitor walking around. Feel free to ask them any questions and please do not argue if they ask you to do something. They are there to ensure the safety of all participants at these events.

Choosing a location
Play-stations are often set up in the dungeon and consist of a piece, or pieces of furniture. Make sure you check out what is going on next to you before choosing a location. Many things (whips and needles) should not be done very close to each other. Feel free to make your own space against a wall or in another area in the Dungeon as long as you are not interfering with another play space, emergency exit, or pathway. Please respect the rules and don't play outside of the designated areas. Be aware that other people may want to play and try not to monopolize popular equipment.

Drug and alcohol use
BDSM play can be dangerous and the use of drugs or alcohol may impair your abilities and increase the danger to both you and those around you. While drinking is allowed in the hotel, you are not allowed to bring alcohol into the dungeon. In addition, excessive drinking before any type of play is discouraged and will make others not want to play with you. Those who seem drunk, belligerent, or are obviously under the influence of a controlled substance will not be allowed into the dungeon. Please do not bring any illegal substances to this event. If you smoke, please do it only in designated smoking areas. There is no smoking in the vendors area or the dungeon.

Clean-up after yourself
This means more than just move your toys out of the scene area once you're done. Wipe down any equipment/ furniture you used. Also clean up your empty soda cans, glasses, etc. The more cleanup you do and help with, the better your chances of being invited to the future parties.

Dungeon Rules and Conduct at Kinkfest

Code of Conduct

• Smoking is allowed only in designated areas
• Anyone appearing to be intoxicated or mentally impaired may be refused admittance.
• Respect the privacy of the others. What is seen or heard at the event stays at the event.
• No cell phones or cell phone accessories (i.e. ear buds and head sets) of kind are permitted in the conference space and must be kept out of sight. All cell phone activities, including checking messages, must be taken outside of the conference center.
• No cameras, Personal Digital Assistants (PDAs) or other recording devices are permitted within the conference center. An authorized event photographer may be on hand to photograph the event.
• Prostitution, solicitation, and negotiation for BDSM services for consideration is illegal and will not be tolerated at the event.
• All attendees must wear appropriate ("vanilla") clothing outside the event area. This includes the hallways and other public areas of the venue. This also means that "vanilla" behavior is also expected within within the public areas of the venue. This includes the covered smoking areas, parking lots, nearby hotels and restaurants, hallways, and any other area where non-attendees may be present.
• Please refrain from wearing perfume, cologne, or heavy scents.

Party Rules

• Absolutely no recording devices of any type are permitted in the Dungeon. This includes, but is not limited to, computers, cell phones and related accessories (i.e. ear buds and Headsets), cameras (digital and film),and personal digital assistants (PDAs).
• Dungeon Monitors (DMs) will be on hand to supervise activities in the play space. Any questions or concerns regarding activities taking place during the play parties should be directed to any DM on duty. All decisions by the DMs are final. There is no appeal process.
• Clean equipment and surrounding areas after your scene. Wipe equipment down with disinfectant. Cleaning materials will be provided at multiple stations throughout the dungeon.
• The following activities and types of play are prohibited: "Gun Play" - absolutely no showing or exposing of guns of any type. "Fire Play" - no open flames of any type are allowed "Wax play" "Scat" or "Water Sports Play"
• Safer sex and the use of latex or other barrier when body fluids are present is strongly encouraged. Safe sex supplies including gloves, condoms, and dental dams will be available for use.
• Blood sports play is allowed only in designated areas. Dispose of sharps in the containers provided. Sharps containers are for sharps only. Dispose of other waste such as, but not limited to, gloves or cleaning materials that may have bodily fluids in the trash cans provided, not in the sharps containers.
• Do not "travel" while wearing needles. Needles must be kept within the designated blood sports area.
• Do not handle or touch other players toys or personal equipment without permission.
• Do not intrude into a scene unless specifically invited by the scene participants.
• Watching scenes from a respectful distance is permitted, but please keep all conversation, laughter, and comments to a minimum in the dungeon space. DO NOT talk to the players while the scene is progressing unless invited to by the players.

Volunteering

Safety and Playing for the First Time

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